2011 m. rugsėjo 20 d., antradienis

Fixing myself... is impossible.

"Scars"

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And my scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

Drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
I'm pissed cause you came around
Why don't you just go home
Cause you channel all your pain
And I can't help you fix yourself
You're making me insane
All I can say is

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

I tried to help you once
Against my own advice
I saw you going down
But you never realized
That you're drowning in the water
So I offered you my hand
Compassions in my nature
Tonight is our last stand

I'm drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
You shouldn't ever come around
Why don't you just go home?
Cause you're drowning in the water
And I tried to grab your hand
And I left my heart open
But you didn't understand
But you didn't understand
Go fix yourself

I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life
I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life


I'm not sure what I'm looking for anymore
I just know that I'm harder to console
I don't see who I'm trying to be instead of me
But the key is a question of control

Can you say what you're trying to play anyway
I just pay while you're breaking all the rules
All the signs that I find have been underlined
Devils thrive on the drive that is fueled

All this running around, well it's getting me down
Just give me a pain that I'm used to
I don't need to believe all the dreams you conceive
You just need to achieve something that rings true

There's a hole in your soul like an animal
With no conscience, repentance unknown
Close your eyes, pay the price for your paradise
Devils feed on the seeds that are sown

I can't conceal what I feel, what I know is real
No mistaking the faking, I care
With a prayer in the air I will leave it there
On a note full of hope not despair

All this running around, well it's getting me down
Just give me a pain that I'm used to
I don't need to believe all the dreams you conceive
You just need to achieve something that rings true

All this running around, well it's getting me down
Just give me a pain that I'm used to
I don't need to believe all the dreams you concieve
You just need to achieve something that rings true

Seniai seniai,nors, tiesą sakant, vakar, sėdėjau ant pasaulio krašto pačiam jo vidury, o šiandien aš žiuriu kas dedasi aplink, tik visgi nieko nematau. Gražus pasaulis, kai nesi jame. Keistas - kai stovi ant krašto. Ir mėšlinas kai stengiesi išlikt. Tik kuriem galam aš vėl kažką rašau. Sayonara, nes pamiršau esminę dainą kurią norėjau čia įgrūst.

2011 m. rugsėjo 9 d., penktadienis

Another minute
Feelin' so fine
You turn the freeze
Into warm light

Had a premonition
I've been watin' ever since
My world comin' down
It's got me spinnin' 'round

No guarantees
But I'm so sure
She's into silence
Candy for the head

Had a waking vision
I been so high ever since
My world comin' down
It's got me spinnin' 'round

If you really wanna fly
You gotta let go

Simply the most
Big sensation
(Once you're here you won't go back)
She's really pretty
One-eyed vision
(Lose the fear and don't come back)
Little sister showed me
Really took me for a ride
My world comin' down
It's got me spinnin' 'round
Yeah, when I found you
My world came crashin' down

Once you're here you won't go back
Lose the fear and don't come back

Tisiog susisviete sitaip, kad reiktu sita idet nors ji ir tera tik dar vienas prisiminimas.

2011 m. rugsėjo 6 d., antradienis

apie Ikaro sparnus ir amžiną melą

Good morning day
Sorry I’m not there
But all my favourite friends
Vanished in the air
It’s hard to fly when you can’t even run
Once I had the world, but now I’ve got no one

If I needed someone to control me
If I needed someone to hold me down
I would change my direction
And save myself before I
If I needed someone to control me
If I needed someone to push me around
I would change my direction
And save myself before I drown….drown

Good morning day
Sorry you’re not here
All those times before
We’re never this unclear
It’s hard to walk when you can’t even crawl
Once I had this world, but now I’ve lost it all

If I needed someone to control me
If I needed someone to hold me down
I would change my direction
And save myself before I
If I needed someone to control me
If I needed someone to push me around
I would change my direction
And save myself before I drown

Rolling faster than I’m breathing
Drown
Rolling faster than I’m breathing
Drown
Rolling faster than I’m breathing

If I needed someone to control me
If I needed someone to hold me down
I would change my direction
And save myself before I
If I needed someone to control me
If I needed someone to push me around
I would change my direction
And save myself before I
(Save myself before I drown, save myself before I drown, save myself before I drown)

Vis dar skęstu, gilyn gilyn,nors aplinkiniam pasauliui, visut visutėliam šaukiu jog VISKAS YRA GERAI. Viduje draskaus, išorėj šypsaus. Melas tapo mano gyvenimu, meluoju sau ir kitiems, dangui ir žemei, meluoju pasauliui, judesiais ir žodžiais, gestais ir mimika ir tik rašydama čia iš paskutiniųjų stengiuosi išsaugoti bent kruopelę savęs. Muzikai basiskverbiant į mane aš griaunu viską kuo tikėjau, išduodu save, palieku praeičiai tai, ko ištiesų niekad ir neturėjau. Kiekviena mano kūno ląstelė jaučia pabaigą, tolimą, bet pabaigą. Pabundu rėkdama be garso, užmiegu susirietus iš skausmo, visą dieną, net namie, ko niekad nebūdavo, nenusiimu šypsenos kaukės - tai mano antras veidas, tai tampa manimi, bet aš netampu ir niekuomet netapsiu ta laiminga, draugiška, aktyvia, liks amžiams manyje uždarytas ir palaidotas gyvas tas žvėriukas, toji aš kuri mielu noru vieną rytą nepabustų. Taip, paslydau. Taip, buvo blogai, praeities nepakeisi, tik bus ko gero dar daug vakarų tokių, kupinų siaubo ir nevalingų judesių, kuomet pameti save, nesupranti žodžių, negali jų ištarti, kai viskas aplink pavirsta impulsų pasauliu, pulsuojančiomis dėmėmis, kol galų gale lėtai atsitraukia, palikdamas kančiąir dar daugiau mėšlo. Rytas buvo dar blogesnis. Ramybės šiam pasauly man neskirta, galimybės pabėgti - taip pat. Juk aš pauktis be sparnų, esu mokoma skristi, nors neturiu sparnų, bet aplinka nenori to matyti, taigi elkis kaip išmanai. Tam kad skristi nereikia sparnų, užtenka dangaus?... Tokio taipogi neturiu, keliauju ankštu koridoriumi kurio gale nėra šviesos, nevykusia pasaulio imitacija. Bet juk VISKAS GERAI, kitaip būti ir negali, juk tu turi idealų gyvenimą, juk paklausta kas nutiko, paklausta kodėl - tyli. Ir šitaip gyventi aš privalau, kiti keliai užviri, nesvarbu, kad šiam pasauliui netinku, gal netinku jokiam pasauliui, tiesiog yra žmonių, kurie neįsivaizduoja pasaulio be šitos keistos mergaitės. Ir dėl tų einu kartodama jog viskas gerai, visad buvo - ir visada bus. Sakau jog aš neskęstu, tik mojuoju, jog viską ištversiu, niekur nesuklysiu. Bet vieną dieną aš dingsiu. Ir nieks negalės manęs surasti, nors busiu čia pat, vieną dieną aš išskrisiu vaškiniais sparnais saulės pasitkti... jei tam dar bus likę bent lašelis jėgų ir trupinėlis manęs.